Blogger's Remorse
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I have blogger's remorse.
Suddenly I understand the desire to pull it all down and retreat to a quiet place.
I feel this odd sense of shame and embarrassment, a sort of cringe when I think about what I'm doing here. What am I doing here? Why do I imagine that what I think or say has any import? And then, of course, these questions in themselves make me cringe even more.
Hmmm....
I guess it's just natural. I wonder if it's been identified in the DSM, what, four? five?
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I'm sure there'll be a pill I can take for it soon.
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posted by tearful dishwasher at 6:16 PM
8 Comments:
dishwasher,
I've torn down a couple blogs for the very reasons you grapple with. In the past I've burned my writings, left sculptures and paintings in junkpiles. I'm over that (I think). This is my space. If someone happens by and likes something or gets a reaction, negative or positive, hopefully, not neutral, nothing, then that's good enough for me. I think of all the writers, poets and artists who've affected my life along way, lifted me up, made me think, gave me something to chew on for years. I hope I can affect just one person in some way or another, for just a moment in time.
Billy
I understand this feeling completely. Just today on my way home, I was thinking that my last post was pretty good. Why not go out on that good note, I tempted myself.
Then I got home, wrote something mediocre and posted it. So the blogging must go on, at least for now.
I think that's why I blog less and less, Dish. Or, rather, I keep alot of the blogging I do to myself. I write drafts and never post them.
With me, it's mostly self-loathing and self-disgust. I can't imagine why anyone would want to read my drivel. Once I go down that road, I begin to wonder why I bother writing all that drivel down.
I mean, honestly, who gives a damn about Bob or my dragon tattoo or the billionth poem I've written or how much I hate myself, ya know?
Makes me think of that song by Nirvana: I'm so ugly, that's okay cuz so are you.
I'll probably delete this comment. Ha.
I have to constantly pretend that no one reads my blog. That way it's my very own play ground. My blog mission statement? Fuck em if they can't take a joke.
xor
I have to constantly pretend that no one reads my blog. That way it's my very own play ground. My blog mission statement? Fuck em if they can't take a joke.
xor
Billy-
Yeah, we have to feel that we are not alone, that we can somehow reach each another person, touch them, in a way that matters.
Lynn-
I guess that the willingness to fall down on occasion makes for a better end product. Taking chances, being open to sounding stupid. All good things.
I sure enjoy yr work.
Laurel-
Yeah, the ego, man. Its the same thing if its telling you you are the greatest or the worst. Neither one is anywhere near the truth, but old ego would have you believing anything.
Sitting with those feelings and letting them wash over you without acting on them is my new practice. I'll keep you posted.
Rebecca-
No one ever does read your blog.
PS- my neck is sore.
PPS- okay, maybe I read your blog. doesn't mean I like it. I just want to be there when you get your comeuppance.
PPPS- okay. I love your blog. Satisfied?
PPPPMS- I really am glad you are feeling better. That sick shit is for da birds.
yrs-
tearful
THANK YOU ALL!!!
People who read yr blog like it, that's why they read it. You seem to put a lot more work into it than most.
Words are only OCD blinking.
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