Saturday, October 02, 2010

I Feel Real Pretty



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I'm trying to make peace with my solitude, but I feel like I'm wasting it. More pacing, more cleaning. I did get out and walk the dog on the beach, which we both enjoyed. I don't know. I love vacuuming, folding towels, making the bed. Washing the floors. There is a frenetic, get-it-done way of cleaning, and there is this whole other thing, this slow, meditative, both attentive and unfocused thing, like a walking meditation. And it's concrete. Verifiable.

It's like removing obstructions, so that the inner light of things can shine through.


Everything glows.



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I was listening to my house cleaning playlist and Tom Waits started singing "Take it with me when I go" and it stopped me in my tracks. I had to sit down and try not to cry. My heart got all swelled up, my throat, too.

It made me miss my wife in a sharp, fierce way.


I can't listen to it without I think of her, but usually I can hear it and just look up and see her face, and go to her.


So, that happened.



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More stove madness. I know, I know. I lay awake for two hours last night imagining what I was going to do today. Which was chrome polish and car wax. Which was painting in the worn away markings on the oven dial with a toothpick and four drops of paint. Which was taking the back and sides off the great white beast and vacuuming all the inner nooks and crannies and wiping everything down and fitting it back snug and tightening all the loose screws (after I soaked them in degreaser and sprayed them with WD-40.)




I have done lost my tiny mind.



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But I feel real pretty in my new dress.




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Okay, so here's what she looks like now:



1952 O'Keefe & Merritt Model 600 with bulldog hand towel 


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Namaste.



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8 Comments:

Blogger Makavetis said...

Hey, I noticed art as one of your interests, I started a new art blog maybe u'll like it! Thanks and keep up great work.

12:06 PM  
Blogger handandspiritstudio said...

oMG!
It looks grand, and you are SO pretty!
I miss you like crazy.

1:42 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

I miss you, too.

I'm going out to the lair with your dog and book and a delicious beverage.

We're going to pretend you are doing yoga next to us.


So there.


love you.

1:54 PM  
Blogger dottie kee bones said...

i wonder if it's funny to you guys that coming here and reading these things and going to your wife's blog and reading her things is a tremendous comfort to me.

that's one good looking stove.

and such a tiny waist!

(;

2:54 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

It's not funny to me. I think it's sweet. It's a comfort to me, too.

And thanks, about the stove. And the dress!

4:28 PM  
Blogger T. Clear said...

You are one crazy stove-scrubbing/degreasing/buffing dishwasher who is welcome in my kitchen any time....

(My late husband and I would email each other after an argument, with generally positive results.)

4:42 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

T. Clear-

Yes, I am one crazy dishwasher.

Thanks for noticing!

yrs-

tearful

7:55 AM  
Blogger Photocat said...

That stove would look so snug in my kitchen... From 1952? It's older then me, but shines... Wished I had your cleaning energy...

2:58 PM  

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