The Quest For the True Self
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Quien, yo?
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My kid had her tonsils out today. She's all hopped up on pain meds, laid out on the sofa watching Monk and eating mashed potatoes and rootbeer popsicles.
She feels like hammered shit.
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Yesterday I was stopped at a traffic light and a bee landed on the windshield. For some reason, I was struck with this thought that all of mankind and all we had wrought on this planet was of negligible importance to this bee, and by extension, to all of mother nature.
Now, of course, this is utter bullshit. We are destroying this planet.
But I guess it tied in with that show on Discovery, life after people, and how a thousand years after we were all wiped off the face of the earth the birds and bees and fishes and whatnot would pretty much recover and go on as if we'd never been there and torn the place up.
Maybe it was the windshield did it. Kind of like I was invisible or something, and just watching this bee go about his business. Big shot detective, car, stereo, guns, briefcase, agenda, ideas, plans, compulsions, etc.
But to that bee I was just a place to rest for a second.
Like a rock or a tree branch.
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We overestimate our importance.
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Smoke pours from the windows and the gears grind and grind and the calliope's out of tune.
Still, I am grateful for this life and all the good and bad of it. This blog is ostensibly about the attempt to reconcile the beauty with the horror, but I guess if you look deeply enough into it, the reconciliation has already occurred. Or is redundant.
Look at them long enough and they become expressions of the same thing.
It's all beauty and horror.
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namaste.
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posted by tearful dishwasher at 5:26 PM
8 Comments:
you got this knack of saying that makes me buy in
i don't know what that is, but i'm in
and you are something else
I am so glad you didn't shoot the bee.
*snork*
xxxooo
removing the tonsils and adenoids used to be a de rigeur preventive procedure to ward off future diseases. the docs changed their minds about that, of course, and now the operation isn't so routine. still, after my brothers and i had it done, we started to get a lot healthier. and all that ice cream wasn't bad either.
it's harder on adults, though. and i can imagine the pain she's having.
hope all continues well, scott. i think she'll grow to appreciate this more and more as time goes by.
did i say i got healthier? hah. oh hahahaha.
XCVII
"To make a prairie it takes a clover and one bee,—
One clover, and a bee,
And revery.
The revery alone will do
If bees are few."
--Emily Dickinson
The bees are too few.
But, yes, the reverie will do.
(And for what it's worth, I don't believe that reconciliation has occurred yet, or this blog would not continue to exist. I hope that reconciliation never occurs.)
Did I say reconciliation or retonsiliation. Reconcilectomy? Adenoid what I I'm talking about.
I hope retonsiliation never occurs either.
love to all of you-
tishful deerwasher
retonsiliation! hah oh hah! oh god yes save us from that!
Wait. Thank you. Thought about it for a few days. You are right to fuse the two, equally right to distinguish them. A vortex of a paradox best relished redundantly through the mundane, and that's your gift. Woah. Didn't Blake try to express the paradox in his /Marriage of Heaven and Hell/? Didn't Hindu expression make the same statement through Vishnu and Shiva? Isn't the centripetal expression the lion who is a lamb reported by John the mystic?
But our society is in the habit of replacing beauty with sentimental froth, substituting ironic mockery for horror and sheltering the two from each other --all of which is a sick lie.
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