Saturday, December 17, 2005

Stain No. 2

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Well.

I have fallen out of the habit of writing here. I suppose it is natural, ebb and flow, etc. But I miss this place, miss having communion with my thoughts and with those of you who people this weird space. Our daughter is home for the Christmas holidays, three weeks. I am as happy as I have ever been because of that. She is an incredible person and she's going to school in an incredible place, and the beautiful alchemy of change is being wrought in her. She overflows with love for her friends and for the world, and she is learning to be discerning and a critical thinker and deciding how she is going to make her way into adulthood.

I'm a proud daddy.

The other light of my life has taken a job at a local bed and breakfast. She brings her own light to the place, and her own dog, too. Lucy the English bulldog. They are both a big hit.

What else.

I am exploring a vegetarian diet and finding it to be wonderful. Oh, and Yoga. And sitting meditation and running. And no drinking.

Jesus. What a goody-two-shoes.

But as my gorgeous and loving wife would tell you, under the beefy exterior of this cop body beats the heart of a nervous little poodle. I get wrapped around the axle all the time, and after a while unwrapping myself with liberal applications of vodka martinis and double cheeseburgers and cigars, I kinda turn into something ugly.

So, for now, the path of the renunciate.

I have to say it is refreshing and feels genuinely good. I have tried this many times before, but it has always been a struggle, something done out of a sense of obligation. Right now it just feels right. The food is fabulous and tasty and wild and the workouts feel great. Yoga is a foreign language to me, but I can tell there's something subtle and dangerous about it that turns me on. Big changes afoot.

Also, got promoted at work. Now I am a Sergeant. I got kicked out of detectives and kicked off SWAT and now I sit at a desk in a glassed-in room and try not to kill myself for ten hours at a time. Ah, the wonderful world of middle management! I will begin my campaign of subversive-poetry-writing-while-at-work as soon as possible.

In my heart and my body I feel a slow unfolding. A flowering of something, a deepening, a quickening...


I miss all of you deeply. I am an inattentive host, but please never mistake that for a lack of affection.



tearful

7 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will begin my campaign of subversive-poetry-writing-while-at-work as soon as possible.

luv ya man...

i hope you post em where we can see em...

xo
lynze

12:18 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

Welcome back. Missed you.

12:24 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Lynze-

Man I been thinking of you!

I hope you are happy and well and writing good stuff. The best thing about this internet is how it brings us together, folks that would never have been in each other's lives, and look at us now- we're brother and sister.

I promise to post them on the sandbox as soon as they start coming out of me.

yrs-

tearful

12:25 PM  
Blogger jitney said...

well, little flower, i am damn glad you're out of SWAT and sitting behind a desk. it won't last, of course, you'll find some way to fuck yourself out of it, but for now, yes, i'm glad, and that's one new notch in my prayers. and to see you writing again brings tears that have, i swear, nothing to do with the season. coragio, brother.

6:44 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Jim-

So wonderful to hear from you. I've been jonesing for my jitney fix.

And, yeah, your right, I probably will figure out a way to get back to the blood and guts as soon as I can.

But for now, it's kinda peaceful.

All best to you.


Scott

8:52 PM  
Blogger LKD said...

Gee, Scott, it's good to see you back here in this space. I check every day. Every every day to see if you're here. My tenacity finally paid off. Thanks for filling this space with words and images. Feels like an early Xmas present. Feels like the kind of gift my older brother would give, which would be something of himself.

Gosh, I'm smiling to see you here today.

lk

6:11 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Laurel-

I am grateful to have you as my friend. I'm glad to be posting here again, too. It feels good.

I'm glad you stuck around.


yrs-

Scott

4:50 AM  

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