Thursday, October 13, 2005

All The Good Things In This World

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Tonight has been one of the best nights of my life. I got home from work where I'd made two great arrests on a couple of big cases. Yolie was still at work so I cleaned the house and made dinner for us, put on some Hem and lit some candles. We ate taquitos and a salad with figs from our fig tree and drank Ketel One martini's and talked about our days, our friends, our sweet, sweet lives...Yolie told me that she felt today like she'd done such a good job of living that she could die happy right now. That no matter what finally claimed her she could hold her head up and know that she hadn't just dipped her toe into the water, she'd dived head-first and gleefully in to the deep, deep water. I told her how happy that made me, how I felt the same way, and that I would always remember that moment...if she died I could live with it because I knew that she was happy with her life, that she was satisfied with how she'd gone at it full bore the whole time. I was crying into my martini I was so happy and so raw and open and in love with her. With my life, too.

After dinner we cleaned up the kitchen and then laid down on our bed. It's covered with this beautiful, jewel-toned japanese fabric quilt Yolie made for us, a real work of art...anyway, we just snuggled and talked and goofed around and then made wild passionate love for about a week and a half and then I went out to the backyard and sat in my Dadairondack chair and had another inch of frozen vodka in a thick-bottomed glass and smoked a small cuban cigarillo and pet my wild dog and watched the moon and the stars and felt the acrid smoke in my lungs and wept and wept for my small happiness. Yolie came out and we talked some more. I felt the last piece of my latest big painting fall into place with a earthy thud of perfection, and a parade of all the people I love so dearly floated in front of my eyes...

Why me, lord? Why am I so blessed?

Oh, I am undone.




Blogger Keturah said...

Hi there. I just wanted to let you know that I love reading your blog. I am especially fond of the images that you post. You are a beautiful writer and this last post really got me. I'm separated from my partner for six months for work and reading your words made me instantly pick up the phone and call him. We are all lucky, those of us in love. Thank you for your writing. I'll be back. All the best, Keturah

6:42 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...


Thanks so much for your sweet note...I'm glad you're enjoying this place.

Yolie and I have endured a few forced separations over the years...they're no fun at all. But life is all about contrast, and sometimes it's good to crave the one you love and not be able to have them.

As long as that's a temporary condition.

You said that we're all lucky, those of us in love. I couldn't agree more.



8:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

sounds like some pretty good vodka.


9:14 PM  
Blogger anders said...

i try to avoid having that much pleasure because of the inevitable recompense of sadness. i wonder if this is cowardice on my part. areas of happiness in my life leave scorch marks like sun on memory. long ago i wondered which is best, happiness or peace, and i still wonder. i also wonder if there is a distinction between happiness and joy. certainly between pleasure and joy. someone who rushes in front of a car to push his daughter out of the way saving her but mortally wounding himself may know the difference. of course that situation is not too far off some emotional aspects of your job. you see the war zone and the peace zone every day. your situation probably allows you to understand the differences between dumb pleasure and wise joy better than i can. although, on top of wise joy, let's give the last word to some truly dumb belching slap-the-table flapdoodle laughter.

4:55 AM  
Blogger gina said...

thanks for this beautiful post. made my day.

1:20 PM  
Blogger Jewel said...

scott, this is beautiful. was in cambria this weekend. so sorry, forgot that you live there. what a wonderful town. it was my first time there. we ate at linn's for breakfast and stayed at the san simeon lodge. next day, drove up to ragged point. boy, that place is eerie. especially in the fog.

truly enjoyed this entry.


5:30 PM  

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