Souls X
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"There was people sufferin' in pain and hunger. Some people their tongues were hangin' out of their mouths."
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Lately there is some kind of a membrane between me and my life that I seem powerless to penetrate.
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Everything seems to occur at one remove.
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My faults and shortcomings keep me stubborn company.
Nor will I quit them.
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Often, I am a poor friend to others. Although I empathize, I also do not let your problems penetrate. I forget that you have them. I forget what you've shared with me. I forget your birthday and your spouse's name. I don't return your calls and letters.
But you are in good company. I am just as poor a friend to myself as I am to you.
So.... no hard feelings, right?
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The world continues in its beauty, unabated and unabashed. Tormenting me with blue sky and birdsong and the sound and smell of the sea in it. Flowers nodding in the warm breeze, bees droning, worms eating the earth one miniscule bite at a time, the whole of it spinning in a void teeming with insensate light and energy off in the tall weeds at the edge of the Milky Way...
"I could be a mud doctor. Checkin out the eart' from underneat'."
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May the world shower you with blessings today.
Namaste.
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posted by tearful dishwasher at 9:20 AM
5 Comments:
I don't really know what to say - but you so often express what I feel, but am afraid to say. How do you accept your failings?
Lyn-
Good to see you here, and good to hear from you.
About accepting my failings? I tried all through my twenties and thirties to overcome them, to banish them, to outwit them and leave them in the dirt, but it was like trying to turn around fast enough to see your own backside.
My failings weren't going nowheres without me.
So my forties has been about kind of fighting a holding action on them and trying to make peace at the same time. I don't want to make light of them, they are serious and they cause a lot of pain, not just to me, either, or especially.
But what the fuck. We are all of us broken, provisional creatures. I sure don't expect you to be perfect, so why am I so disappointed in myself when I miss the mark?
Ah, we are all limping along. Some with more style than others.
Anyway. Hope you'll find this place worth hanging around.
And I hope you make peace with all your failings.
If that's what you want.
yrs-
scott
I'm not sure I can say that I have made peace with any portion of my failings or if I have become less willing to hold myself in perpetual contempt for the fact that they exist. The mind/body connection requires gentle measures to keep us from withering under our own harsh scrutiny. If balance is the best we can achieve, we are not doing badly. Your writing, as always, affects me with its fierce honesty. Wishing you blessings in return.
I'm glad to hear it. And I don't know why but that made me laugh, that part about 'forgetting your birthday and your spouse's name.'
I sometimes forget if someone's spouse has died. That's a tough one to get called on, I'll tell ya.
haha
((Not funny, but it is a little.))
xoxo
No hard feelings!
Yours for imperfection,
Mim
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