Sunday, October 18, 2009

Chief Sitting Down






***

I am happy.



A little restless, it's true.




I tend to gnaw at myself.




But that is a surface condition.




Deep down, I own a glad and grateful heart.





*

I will be forty-five in a few days.


Time for another self-portrait.




*


Maybe Chief Sitting Down is that.





***

If I am supremely lucky, I am about halfway through with my life. I hope so. I would like to get old. I think I would be a nice old guy if I could have another thirty or forty years to mellow.



Take some of the edge off.


Develop a little depth and complexity.


*


Easy to say now. The road ahead, if there is one, is fraught with perils. And the end is certain. The road gets darker and twistier and the trees crowd in and the hoot owls call and...what.

You run down. You bust down. You get crippled and stove in. Deef. Blind. Incontinent. You get bladder cancer. You get emphysema.

A troll sits on your chest of an evening and you gasp out.


*

What a adventure!

*

The other thing is I just get smacked on my way to work tomorrow. Lights out. Or crippled. Brain injured. It could happen.

It happens all the time.


But I could just keep being lucky.


That happens, too.


***

I love trying to make my mind come to terms with the vastness of the known universe, and with the limitless expanse of deep geologic time, of cosmological time, of interstellar distance, of neural complexity, of genetic structure and epigenetic processes, of complexity emerging from seemingly simple repetitive structures and a handful of rules, of love and loss, how when you lose someone you really do lose them, for all of time and in every corner of the universe, and how that, in the end, has to be okay.


We are all riders on the same merry-go-round. We are all grist for the mill.


How our small hearts beat with love and fury!




*

Namaste.



***







8 Comments:

Blogger Kraxpelax said...

My Poetry Blog

http://singleswingle.blogspot.com/

SONNET XXXIX FOR KATIE

I went downtown, saw Katie in the nude
on Common Avenue, detracted soltitude
as it were, like a dream-state rosely hued,
like no one else could see her; DAMN! I phewed;

was reciprokelly then, thank heaven, viewed,
bestowed unique hard-on! but NOT eschewed,
contrair-ee-lee, she took a somewhat rude
'n readidy attude of Sex Prelude; it BREWED!

And for a start, i hiccuped "Hi!", imbued
with Moooood! She toodledooed: "How queued
your awe-full specie-ally-tee, Sir Lewd,
to prove (alas!), to have me finely screwed,

and hopef'lly afterwards beloved, wooed,
alive, huh? Don't you even DO it, Duu-uuude!"

My Poetry Blog

http://singleswingle.blogspot.com/

More...

Adiós, mis vacas! Que pasa en esta temporada de tristeza?
La soledad se cultiva en las ciudades;
viva la muerte.
Uno no debe imaginar que el hombre es bueno.
El paisaje se despierta en un fiel espejo, pregunte.

La noche ha porches de la siesta en ruinas con pistacho.
Débiles enemigos se disipa amigos sin
valor. La calle es corta.
Hay falta de coherencia, la esperanza y la fe.
Todas las puertas evitadas saludan: No pasarán.

My tentatively spanish poetry blog;

http://hollb.blogspot.com/

Portuguese:

http://kraxport.blogspot.com/

Typically Swedish Next Door Girls Collection För Your Boyfriend's LAPTOP!

:o)

My Babe Misogyn Wallpapers:

http://screenfonds.blogspot.com/

My philosophy:

http://windormirrow.blogspot.com/

My Music Blog:

http://eutonal.blogspot.com/

Feel free to announce your blog on mine.

- Peter Ingestad, Sweden

9:39 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Well, how about that?

Welcome, oh unusual one.


Have fun, but clean up after.

9:47 AM  
Blogger dottie kee bones said...

i believe it's been good for me to read the reminders you share. the final things. the journey parts. i believe it's helped me grow a tiny bit less afraid and a teeny bit more accepting.

who knows exactly why.

but you've done me good here, and i think it's important for people to know they've helped.

thanks, scott. carry on.

12:25 PM  
Blogger melissashook said...

Here's a toast for another 45 years..of come what may...
or a quick painless ending if it's got to be earlier...

1:35 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Kay-

Thank you. It makes me happy to know.

I won't go on and on, but-


well, thanks.



Melissa-

I will drink to that!



yrs-


tearful

3:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

"...how when you lose someone you really do lose them, for all of time and in every corner of the universe, and how that, in the end, has to be okay."
this is pure gold. And setting it against the magnificent/mind-boggling natural world and its mysteries - it puts everything in order for the day. Thank you and happiest of birthdays (I start a new decade on Monday - pressing on!).
Mary

8:45 AM  
Blogger Mim said...

Happy Birthday to you!

8:58 AM  
Blogger Christine Carlton said...

"I tend to gnaw at myself."

Just picturing scott with a big plastic lampshade/elizabethan dog collar thing to prevent you from doing what you admit to doing.

It would make it hard to peek around corners, much less over your shoulder, and you'd have to rely on everyone else to scratch the itches only a really good GNAW will scratch...

Happy birthday my friend!

3:50 PM  

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