Saturday, September 20, 2008

I Am No Little Angel, Nor Have I Wings to Fly






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So, these emotions.


They tell me I am ruined. They tell me my child is ruined. They tell me the world is ruined.


Ruination. 


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Nor is there goodness. Nor succor. 


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Present moment awareness. They say it's key. Also, breathing. Also, not killing everyone. Or at least those you want most to kill. I am bitter as a blue ruin. There are snakes everywhere and poor rations. When the ones for whom you strive disdain you it is a cold weather. When your best efforts are for naught and worse, and worse.

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This past week I have done things I had no business doing. I got away with them but still. There is when provoked in me a great and terrible thing. I would say that these things were required, necessary. 

There is within me a force that should not be set loose upon the world.



For all my gentle lovingkindness, there is a beast that hungers and is blind with fury.


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We already have the answer we seek.


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Some dark things you look into, and recoil from. Some you embrace. Some you hunger for. Some you repudiate.


But you will feast upon the darkness as the light. 


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With one hand you bail out the craft and with the other you chop at the hull with your axe.


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Singing and weeping all the while. 



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As the storm rages.




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As sharks thrash in the shallows.






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I am no little angel, nor have I wings to fly.




***


Namaste, for what that may be worth.


*

6 Comments:

Blogger Gina Franco said...

Thinking of you in this time, for whatever that's worth from a stranger.

5:55 AM  
Blogger LadyX said...

Thank you for wandering over to my land. I'm glad I wondered back to yours.

8:12 AM  
Blogger james said...

to know the beast and face it head-on and call it by name is the beginning of all knowledge.

oh lord these are weary times, but one must wonder if we are the cause or merely part of the general flow.

two days for every one, i am filled with self-loathing and a terrible anxiety.

whatever it is that gives me succor, i am grateful, and do not question, but always, always, i will be surrounded by mystery.

and protected by a love i can never earn.

11:47 AM  
Blogger LKD said...

You are no little angel, no.

You are a big angel. A HUGE angel.

I know an angel when an angel enters my life. And you're it, buddy.

And last time I checked, wings weren't the only means by which flight can be achieved.

Hang in there, brother. We're all pulling for you. Hell, we'll all pull you through, if you want us to.

4:28 PM  
Blogger 21k said...

yeah.

6:26 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Hey, everyone.

Thank you. Thank you so much. Gina, LadyX, Jim, Laurel, Dierdre, you guys rock my world!

I can feel the love, and I'm grateful for it.


It really helps.

8:03 PM  

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