Spinning My Wheels
Its times when I seem to lose my grip on my own happiness. I am suddenly gnawing on all the small problems that are part of the fabric of daily life, and I can no longer gain access to the juicy bits, the good stuff, that is lying all around me just waiting for me to notice it.
I'm in the dumps.
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I came home and was trying to decide all the way if I was going to just start drinking ice-cold vodka martini's or if I would maybe go for a walk or a run instead. I hadn't made up my mind and I couldn't, either. Vodka, run, vodka, run....
Yolie told me to go out on the deck and meditate.
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So I did.
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The sun was going down behind the tall pines to the north, behind the house, and the sky above the deck was flawless blue.
Every once and a while a bird flew over me. The magnolia shivered and its wooden, waxy leaves clattered like a million marionettes applauding the breeze. Trucks rumbled by on Main street and kids screamed and laughed and got called in for dinner.
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I am a maniac to find a small unhappiness.
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I am undone by my own abundant blessings.
Cursed by my wiring.
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I love it all.
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posted by tearful dishwasher at 6:32 PM
2 Comments:
and it loves you, scott. have you never noticed how, when you enter a room, the environment stops what it's doing and gets warily to its feet, waiting to see which way you will move next, and trying to be prepared when you do.
not many i can just sit down and read and read, but here you are.
jim
Jim-
I realize that I haven't been responding to any comments lately.
I don't know where my head is at.
Maybe in that dangling preposition. I dunno.
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There's no question that the environment does respond to you. I think that despite the hokey sound of it, we really do have some kind of warping influence on our surroundings.
What a kind of solace it is to know that I can reach out my hand and touch something solid. A thing like your friendship.
How all those things most real are perhaps not visible, not available in your local Wal-Mart.
I am in your debt, my friend.
What I have learned from you I will not easily forget.
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