Sunday, March 12, 2006

Self at Forty-One

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Last night we celebrated our Anniversary (a little bit early because of the unpredictability of my schedule for the next week). We spent the day farting around San Luis Obispo, doing our bookstore, healthfood store, Natural Cafe, etc. thang. It was cold and blustery and alternating sun and rain or both. It was wonderful.

But best was dinner at The Sea Chest.

This little joint is right on the water on Moonstone Beach. They don't take reservations or credit cards, so be prepared for a wait at the bar. They provided playing cards, cribbage boards, and a whole wall of National Geographics. The place is smallish, and the interior is maze-like and dark and wooden, like the inside of a ship. It's not at all cheezy, though. It feels legitimate- like everything they do, they don't try too hard. It's a seafood place, so hey, lets make it look like one. That's all.

The mood is serious, though. Upbeat, laid-back, but down-to-business. The menu is basically:

Here's what they caught today- salmon, sea bass, thresher shark, tuna.

We have some lobster and some crab.

If you want an appetizer, you can have clams, oysters, shrimp, or mussels.

Everything is served grilled with lemon and butter and a pile of fresh, organic vegetables, also grilled.

Add a bottle of wine and you're off to the races.

The kitchen is at the back of the bar, so you watch it all happen. No one has room, so they dance around each other in an intricate, effortless ballet. Hiss...the fish hits the pan. Drizzle butter, lemon. Flip, flip, plate it.



We had a huge pot of gorgeous mussels. Like eating little vaginas in butter and garlic. They must have given us two dozen in this big pumpkin colored Le Cruset kind of pot.

Then a plate piled high with salad greens and dressing.

I had the salmon and Yolie had a scampi/scallop combo.


That meal was on par with the best sex I've ever had.


I had to be carted out of there.


Oh, yeah. The Castoro cab....


I don't know how I got so lucky. My wife is a singular catch. She is endlessly fascinating to me, a never-ending wonder. I'm like a dog around her, I just want to stare at her and follow her from room to room. When she walks by me I roll over on my back and wave my arms and legs, hoping she'll rub my belly.

And sometimes she does.


The other night I was dreaming and two of the dead women whose cases I'm working on showed up.
They just stood there, kind of off to the side, watching me.
They were just like they'd been found: half-naked, bound, stabbed.

They didn't say anything.


It makes sense that I would dream of them. I mean, it would be weird if I didn't, right?


I also had another one of my "Japanese Hotel Elevator" nightmares.

They go like this:

I'm in Japan with my wife and kid and we're late to leave for the airport and I've got to check us out of the hotel. I'm in the underground parking area and I have to take the elevator to the lobby. I get in, all alone, and the doors close. The elevator lurches up quickly, then accelerates steadily. I watch in horror as the little floor annunciator over the door spins wildly. The elevator is rushing up so fast that I am being slammed to the floor. I know that I'm going to die in the elevator when it hits the top of the building, but it never does. Instead, it stops suddenly, throwing me up into the air, and then heads down again.

Faster and faster.

Now I'm hovering up near the ceiling, trying to find a hand-hold or something to keep me closer to the floor.

It just keeps doing that, up and down, up and down, as I grow increasingly terrified and beaten up from slamming into the floor and ceiling.

You'd think I might notice at some point that this is pretty unusual, and also kind of familiar, and that it must be a dream.

But this insight escapes me.


My wife got me a Wacom tablet a while ago. I'm trying to figure it out.

I think I'm gonna like it.



Blogger pghpoet said...

You've got the best medicine in the world in your relationship with Yolie. Happy Anniversary, you two. Hang on like she's a life raft, 'cause she is, and you know it, but you're very wise to constantly remind yourself how lucky you are to be married to that woman.

From a completely lay perspective Scott, I'd say the dream shows you've always felt yourself to be the victim to some pretty forceful, abrupt 'highs and lows', and that they originate mysteriously outside yourself. It's my opinion that when you're brave enough to follow where those pulley cables attach, you'll see they are internal to you, and that no one but you can stop their crazy up and down.

For some of us, there are dreams of bears, and for some the fear of throwing ourselves off of buildings, but there are no bears, and there are no Empire State monoliths in the immediate vacinity, and there are no evil elevators, there's only impulses and restlessness and self-doubt about so many things in life we all tangle with in our own ways.

I've had dreams often where I suddenly think, "This is a dream. Don't be scared." I don't know if it's a guardian angel or a healthy corner of my sub-conscious playing mother hen, but I'm so grateful when it happens.

I hope such 'lucid dreaming' comes to you finally with that hellraiser you've described. All the best, buddy. Yes, we're all in the furnace...all in the soup...but we bear heat together, and when it's shared, often life turns out 'done to perfecton'.- k.

7:08 PM  
Blogger Neil said...

Happy Anniversary. I saw you at both Plight of the Troubadour and Sprigs, so I figured your blog was interesting. And with Cambria being one of my fav places --

Now why is the dream about an elevator in Japan and not anywhere else? Were you ever in Japan that you associate it with elevators?

11:36 PM  
Blogger Lisa Cohen said...

I discovered your blog through Jim L who posts on a poetry forum I moderate. Your writing moves me, as do your photos and drawings. I don't know how to reconcile the beauty with the horror, but I write because that's the only tool I have.

Happy anniversary.

Best regards,
ljcblue (lisa)

5:38 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...


You don't have to tell me. I know I got it good.

I like your thoughts on the dream. I think you are on to something there. I'd associated the out of control feeling, but, curiously, hadn't tied it to the ups and downs.


So, thanks.



6:57 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...


Hey, thanks for stopping in and saying hi. If you aren't an axe murder (heck, even if you are...) you'll have to drop a note next time you're up here and we can go have coffee at the French Corner bakery.

I never lived in Japan, but I did live in Taiwan and Korea for a few years. I think that Japan feels more dangerous for me because all I can say in that language is "thank you" and "more sake, please."

Stranger in a strange land.

Say hey to David for me.



7:00 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...


And thank you, too. It is so nice to have some company!

I'm glad that some of this makes it out of orbit and intersects with other heavenly bodies...



7:02 AM  
Blogger LKD said...

Happy anniversary to you and your wife. I love visiting her blog and seeing her art as much as I love visiting yours.

As I read this particular entry, the song "you are my sunshine, my only sunshine, you make me happy when clouds are grey" popped into my head.

Lightning bug, angel, moon in the sky, nightlight in my dark dark room, I don't know what the hell you are but christ, I like you and what you do here.

Thanks for sharing it so generously.

11:55 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...


Awe, shucks... now ya made me blush.



7:42 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Little vaginas in butter and garlic are the best, aren't they?

Just kidding. Happy anniversary, you crazy kids!

9:36 PM  

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