Thursday, August 31, 2006



They're after me.


I don't know if you'd call it decompensation or what.
The gears slip and grind.
Smoke billows from the machine.


I am sad and anxious. I grit my teeth all night and all day. I see the sun going down over the golden hills and it does nothing for me. My hands ache with a dull rage. You'd better not come near me.


I know some of you might say how sweet I seem, how good my nature is. Don't fool yourself. I got a snakebite in me that spills its acid out on others. I got a disposition you don't want to get acquainted with. My god my teeth hurt from wanting to do some bad thing. I sit on the deck and smoke and sip vodka but what I want to do with my hands is something else.

Or I'll bother you with my sobbing. Won't let you rest.

Oh my god, I'll say.


I got no reason to feel bad. I got nothing to complain about.

It makes me sick how I bellyache.

Every single thing right now just makes me sick.

Sick at heart.


Once when you were small you thought there might be a way...



Blogger LKD said...

Kiddo, we're all damaged to some greater or lesser degree.

Forgive yourself, eh?

And forgive all of the rest of us too.

(Don't forgive those animals in Cincinnati though who, ah shit, I'm gonna start crying, taped the arms of their 3 year old autistic foster child behind his back, wrapped him up in a blanket and put him in a crib in a closet and left him there for 2 of the hottest days in August while they attended a family reunion. They burned the body to destroy the evidence.)

Forgive yourself, Scott.

10:23 PM  
Blogger Radish King said...

We're human afterall.
Sending you kisses.

8:32 AM  
Blogger deirdre said...

but at least you're an eloquent s.o.b.
not that i believe you,
well, maybe i do believe you
a little bit - it goes w/ the paycheck baby

12:20 PM  
Blogger deirdre said...

how are you doing?

we miss you

8:27 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


Robin here, (round robin who works at the Texaco) this has nothing really to do with your post, although, to me it just sounds like you are a multi faceted well rounded person feeling it all and keeping it however in check.... nothing wrong with feeling.....just in what ya do with it, at least that is what the fortune cookies say..... anyway, I have a sick side with my sense of humor, my older brother was in law enforcement once upon a time, and I thought, at least my sick side thought this shirt was funny..... forgive me!!

7:34 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hmmm, the link didn't seem to work...

7:35 PM  

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