Tuesday, January 03, 2006

Instructions

"Within the parameters I will instruct you to do the following
exercises; however I must insist that my directions be followed
exactly without the slightest variance or serious complications
may result. Begin with a vigorous scream of rage and fear. These
are the emotions that have set up residence in your skeletal
framework and electrical nodules and they are intent upon
undoing you. Loud and continuous screaming will uproot their
temporary dwellings and send them, broken and bewildered, into
your blood stream. This is when they are most vulnerable. I used
to believe that I would never betray you. My mother did not deserve
the blame I placed on her and I have put a baloney sandwich in
your jacket pocket. Turn off at the next intersection and park the
car behind a dumpster. Take off your clothing and stand over a man
hole cover and turn in counter-clockwise circles until your nose
runs and your feet turn red. Get back in your car before your
blood can become re-infected. Call me tomorrow for the rest
of the instructions."


Today I added a couple of links to some places that I think are very wonderful and cool, although I am breaking all kinds of blog etiquette by doing without really asking if its okay or even talking to the people who run them or even really commenting on them.

So. Sorry about that.

In my defense I plan to go back and do just that.


I want to talk a little bit about anxiety. My least favorite of the human emotions, and my personal gollum. What I really hate about anxiety is that I feel it because I have procrastinated on some commitment and I seem to be willing to eat my liver rather than do what it is that I have committed to.

This seriously fucks with my sense of self.

I have an image of the ideal tearful dishwasher, and a guy who refuses to do what he's supposed to do and then curls up in a ball and whines about it does not exactly jibe with that image. What's worse is I think I should deal with my anxiety by doing all of these 'anti-anxiety' kinds of things so I don't feel so bad.

Hey, dummy, what about doing what you're avoiding?
Maybe that would aleviate some of your anxiety...

"Nah, I think I should take a hot bath and then meditate."

Yeah, okay. Or you could do what you're avoiding.

"Nope. No thanks."


Go figure.


Anyway, that's a peek inside my ugly head....


I was reading Rebecca's blog and she was talking about her urge to purge, to wipe away her blog. Mr. Lineberger does just that all the time, in fact he can post a blog and delete it as fast as I change socks. So, anyway, I hope she doesn't because I love her blog and I like to go back and revist stuff in it from time to time, even if she doesn't. Jenni was also talking about how she liked blogging because she could look back over the year and see what she had been up to. Which is also good.

The other day I went back and read through almost this entire blog, something I hadn't done. I thought it was pretty cool. It made me think that I'd like to hang out with myself, maybe go get a beer and shoot the shit late into the night, watch the stars spin around.

So, I might call myself up and see if I feel like doing that.

7 Comments:

Blogger Christine said...

I love this piece about directions up top.

10:40 PM  
Blogger jitney said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:48 AM  
Blogger LKD said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

9:04 AM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Christine-

Glad you liked it.


COMMENT DELETED?

WTF?


Jim Lineberger, you owe me a beer goddamnit.


I was SO HAPPY to see your comment here. Sorry I didn't reply in time. I know you're around here somewhere, and that's good enough for me.

-
tearful

9:21 AM  
Blogger jitney said...

ahh, scott, i lost your email addy. send to junior35@ctc.net. don't owe you a beer. owe you a case, sitting there between us on the floor whilst we huddle up close and tell huge lies that we believe utterly. jim

1:57 PM  
Blogger tearful dishwasher said...

Yes, yes, yes.

I believe utterly we should have some beer.


yrs-

Scott

7:14 AM  
Blogger jitney said...

did you send the address? didn't receive.

5:02 PM  

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